Caught in the Carousel

Einstürzende Neubauten

The Jewels
Potomak

Einstürzende Neubauten

"Occupied?"
"It sounds like 'porcupine' to me."
"I'm sure he's saying 'occupied.' Maybe it's about a public toilet?"
"No, wait. Maybe it's 'concubine'."
"Now it really sounds like 'porcupine'."
"But 'porcupine" is just silly."
"Roughly translated, Blixa just said in German, 'The bright color of your autumn trousers reminds me I have misplaced my folding chair'."
"Blixa also said 'You hate space stations'."
"Occupied porcupine concubine."
"I think it's another word altogether."

Of course, Nursey was right. Track 4 of The Jewels is titled "Hawcubite," and that's the word lead singer, Blixa, kept chanting over and over again. Not porcupine. Blixa and his über-peops used some sort of divination technique called "Dave," which is a deck of 600 cards representing sonic choices, to construct the 15 tracks on The Jewels. I don't think they will win over any new fans with this one, and those loyal enough to have been listening to Neubauten from the beginning may be sick of the proto-pop sound nuggets, (like the Bloom E.P.) they keep producing. Call me old fashioned, but I want my "Noise" to sound noisy, like a lost spoon being thrashed by a blender's motor, or a grandma whistling to herself as she loudly clips her nasty toenails.

The Jewels is alternately feedback, modern polkas, and strange, tuneless ditties. With track titles like "Vicky," "Am I Only Jesus?," and "I Kissed Glenn Gould," those wacky Teutonic noisesters seem to be taking themselves less seriously than usual. My close personal friend, Dr. Jake—Archeologist to the Gainfully Employed—once had the good fortune of being the opening act for Neubauten in Los Angeles. He was totally revolted by the whole experience, blaming bad reviews on them for their perpetual tardiness, junk-sick tantrums, and inexperience operating pneumatic hammers.

This CD reminds me of that time when Malcolm X was sharing a lamb kebab with Yoko Ono in Tel Aviv, and he reminded her, "Garfield is a cartoon cat for all seasons—Sassy. Opinionated. Lasagna-loving." So it is with this current Neubauten recording: all those adjectives rolled into 32 minutes of noisy Euro-pop.

Dr. Slurpee says: Neubauten needs to stop getting pedicures. Let 'em grow, boys.